Tuesday, January 15, 2013

Chinese men dream: dating a western girl?

Many Chinese men dream to be with a western girl?
In fact many Chinese men would like to go out with a western girl but I think only a few Chinese men are willing to marry a western girl. They couldn't accept/ face the cultural gap, sometimes criticisms from their relatives...

However most Chinese men would certainly take pride in dating a foreign girlfriend if not for the long run.
Some of my Chinese friends who are going out with french girls were congratulated as heros as they came to China with their girlfriend! A Chinese friend even told me once that his boss at work said to him: "You are a model for all Chinese men and you take revenge for all Chinese men".

Chinese men have an inferiority complex?
I believe that many Chinese men have an inferiority complex. They want to compare with foreigners. They want to be as tall, as strong, as "handsome"... It is very stupid and irrational of course. I personnaly believe that many Chinese men are stronger or more handsome than western men!

In fact many Chinese, men and women have a inferiority complex. I am not sure why.
Women too will compare themselves to western girls, the length of their legs, the color of the skin, the size of the breast, the color of their hair, eyes...

As for Chinese society it is always question of being bigger, better, the number one, more important than... western countries, foreigners. This is probably due to years of humiliations: foreigners occupying China.

What about Chinese girls dating foreigners?
The situation is similar when talking about western men and Chinese girl.

A Chinese girl with a foreign man wins face.
She will show to others that she is with a handsome, supposively rich foreigners (Chinese people believe that foreigners are all rich).
I think that in traditionnal China women exist through their husband. The husband is an important part of the face for his wife?

Beautiful and healthy children matter
In China wedding is seen as the door to children: you get married means automatitcaly that you have children. If you get married and don't have children after one years, people will start to ask questions!
Western Chinese children are seen as very cute. This stands in favour of western, Chinese couple since the Chinese parents, relatives and friends will often praise the beauty of western, Chinese children and push you to have children. You have a constant pressure from the society. Even as people, neigbours, friends, relatives simply ask when you are expecting a child.

However a Chinese girl with a foreign man will also face many criticisms.
According to tradition wedding in China have been arranged by families. It means that a Chinese girl from a lower society status while marrying a foreign man can moves up in the society. This of course generates many jealousy and criticisms.
Also many Chinese people won't like girls who want to marry a foreigner. Why would she want to marry a foreigner? She doesn't like he country? She wants to escape abroad?

Why some Chinese girls prey on western men?
In fact some Chinese girls are searching for a western man.
I could never understand why as these girls often have a stable life and some income! They are not really poor girls who wouldn't dare run after foreign men. Poor girls might even be afraid they can't be happy with a foreign husband, they can't understand well.

I believe some Chinese girls have a fake vision of foreign life. They wan't to go abroad. They believe life will be better abroad. They will be able to buy nice clothes and earn lots of money. Also sex is not an issue. Sex is always not a primary concern for Chinese girls as education from mother to daughter says so: don't think about sex...

Wedding or dating?
When a Chinese girl dates a foreign man, the question is always "is it serious", is she "used" by the foreign man and just dating him or will she marry him?
On once side Chinese won't like that a foreign man dates a Chinese girl. They will say the foreigner is just playing around. On the the other side if they marry then it means the girl is not cheated and she can take pride of being with a foreigner. This is very weird since for Chinese men and western girls couple, it is not the case!

Chinese girls are not supposed to have sex for fun
Chinese girls are supposed to be weak and easily cheated by western men for sex...
I believe this is yet another aspect of China Matchism.
Once several years ago I was aggressed by Chinese men while going out of a bar. They thought I wanted to bring home a Chinese girl: my wife and take advantage of her. Foreigners are often seen as irresponsible. They just want to have fun and sex.
Sex is still taboo in Chinese society and Chinese girls who look for casual sex are labelled as bad girls. I will tell you more in some future article.

A Chinese man will take pride of dating a western girl, while a Chinese girl won't if she is not married!
Therefore the eternal question: Chinese people ask me my wife or me all the time:
"have you been to France?".
In fact if she has been to France it means she was properly introduced to my family. If not, it means I am just playing.

To conclude this article I would like to emphasize three aspects:

  • This article is only my personal opinion that I shaped with my knowledge and understanding of China. 
  • I am talking about a majority opinion. But of course you have many different Chinese people.
  • Chinese people mentalities, lives, principles, perceptions are changing very fast in just a few years since there are so many interaction between Chinese people and foreigners. So what I say in this article might not be the majority opinion very soon.

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