Thursday, January 31, 2013

In China love equals money

I wanted to write a deep article about love in China.
And this week-end I watched this documentary about love in China.

I must say I am surprise by the quality of this documentary and recommand it.

The documentary tells us different things about love in China. 
A sad picture that I can resume here:
  • Chinese men want to marry young girls. If you are older than 25 years old, it will be very difficult for you to find a husband as no man will want you. In China women beauty is associate to youth. I am still not sure why?
  • Many Chinese women look for protection. They want a rich husband who can take car of them so that they won't work and simply raise the children while enjoying their life. 
  • If you have no appartment you can not find a wife in China.
  • Wedding aims to have children: all the society will push you to have children.
  • Mother will raise daughter in a submissive and cunning way. The daughter should find a rich husband who can give her children and provide the family needs. The rest doesn't matter. Chinese people say if you marry a man who doesn't have an appartement it is a nake wedding!
  • Rich Chinese men all have mistress. Their wives know it but they accept this: They have no choice since they have no revenu. Most of the time they quitted their job to raise the children. Mistress will give more than sex, but rather it gives face to the man. He can show himself with a young woman. The mistress will also flatter the man (while the wife will often scold him). The man can pay for his mistress. Chinese men love to pay and control.
  • Chinese men who have less income go to massage or to prostitutes. Massage is not seen as prostitution in China.
  • Chinese men love to pay. Pay in China gives you "face". It gives you prestige and control over someone. If someone invite you, makes a gift, you own him. It is some kind of debt, some control.
  • Sex is taboo: you don't talk about it.
  • Sex is money: no matter a wife or a massage lady, men have to pay.
  • With money all is accepted. It is a Chinese tradition to have mistress. An old man can marry a young girl with money. However an old woman can not marry a young man. It will not be accepted by the society.
  • Men have a freedom of sex, while women sex is not a good thing. In some traditionnal families, sex before wedding is still not accepted.
  • Rich Chinese families parents introduce brides and groom to each other.
  • A Chinese wife will not want to divorce. She is afraid to have nothing as she has no money and no job. In case of a trial, women will often have nothing, the matrimonial regime is "each one keeps his belongings". She is afraid to be alone since due to her age it will be impossible to find a new husband. She is afraid the society and her parents blame her, judge her. We see in the video that woman when they find out about the mistress don't blame their husband. The husband is the victime. He was cheated and was seduced. However the mistress is guilty. She stole the husband. And the mistress accept to be beaten without any reaction. She knows she did wrong and accept any punition. Often a woman who learns that he husband cheat her will pretend not to know about it.
  • However a Chinese man who is cheated by his wife will often divorce. Chinese men want to control. Some wife must ask the "permission" to go out!
  • In China a couple is one, it is normal for a wife to control the whereabout of her husband, check his mobile phone... In France men can not accept this.

This vision of love is a one of a macho society.
Women are sex toys and mothers, while men are wallets and liars. Men and women mistrust each other due to education. Men will alway be warry for their money and lie to women. Women will also lie in order to win a husband and keep him.
Therefore you have many new businesses: website to find love, sex doctor, psychologues...

Hopefully, things are changing as more and more Chinese don't marry. They look for something more than this. And this is even more true for Chinese who have studied, lived abroad. You should also distinguish